Conversation Resources
Use what’s helpful. Leave the rest.
Conversation Guide
1001 Conversations is a community project to encourage constructive conversations – especially when we disagree.
These conversations aren’t about fixing everything. They’re about practicing something we’re losing the ability to do: staying in dialogue with people we don’t agree with.
They are about staying human with each other in a time of deep division.
What These Conversations Are (and Aren’t)
These conversations are not debates.
The goal is not to “own” the other person.
The goal is not to impress some real or imagined third party.
Of course, you will probably want to persuade the other person. You may also feel no openness at all to their point of view. That’s fine.
For the purposes of this conversation, try to focus on two things: listening and explaining. Listen deeply to what the other person has to say and do your best to explain your thoughts, feelings, and opinions.
You don’t have to agree with the other person at the end. You don’t have to condone their beliefs or actions. The point is to understand what’s underneath what each of you thinks.
Kindness Matters
To the extent that this process works, it depends on good faith.
In political or ideological conversations, it’s easy to abstract kindness and care out of the question. Try to keep them present, both toward the person you’re speaking with and toward the people affected by the ideas you’re discussing.
Guidelines for the Conversation
1. Set Some Parameters First
Before you begin, agree on:
What you’re going to talk about
What you’re not going to talk about
That either person can slow the conversation down if needed
If you wander too far off topic and it becomes stressful or frustrating for either person, gently come back to what you agreed to discuss.
If there are things you really don’t want to talk about with each other, say so in advance and agree not to bring them up. Respecting those agreements matters.
2. Start With Your Actual Experience
Try to begin with what’s true for you, rather than jumping straight to what’s wrong with the other person’s position.
If your partner says something you find hurtful or offensive, start to explain how it made you feel. When you have a visceral reaction, it’s tempting to explain why the other person is wrong. Try starting instead with what you feel in your body and what that experience is like for you.
When you say that, I feel…
I notice this reaction in my body…
Don’t dismiss feelings. Give space for how each of you feels before returning to the topic. Feelings don’t make something true or false, but they are real and worth respecting. This helps the conversation stay grounded in experience rather than judgment.
3. Listen Without Needing to Agree
Listening doesn’t mean agreeing.
You can understand why someone believes something and still not agree with them. You can still have space for them as a person.
Try to understand:
What they think
Why they think it
What feels at stake for them
4. Ask “How Do You Know This?”
When you get to a point of disagreement, try asking where the belief comes from.
If the answer is research or information, talk about where it came from. If the answer is “I just know,” explore that.
What does it feel like to know?
Where do you feel that knowing in your body?
What else have you known in that way?
What makes you trust it?
This process isn’t about catching people out. It’s about getting under the surface of beliefs.
5. Name Real Disagreements
When you come to a point of serious disagreement, acknowledge it. Name it.
You can say something like:
“This feels like a real point of disagreement for us.”
Naming disagreement is often more respectful than trying to smooth it over.
6. Be Careful With Vulnerability
Sometimes you’ll uncover emotional reasons for a belief, or notice vulnerabilities — in the argument or in the person. Try not to jump on these.
People need to feel safe to explore what they think and why. If someone exposes something tender, pointing it out gently (or leaving it alone) matters a lot.
The goal is to create a space where it’s safe to think, not to corner someone.
7. Don’t Overload With Information
One person may have researched the topic more than the other. That can be valuable — but be careful. Share information. Don’t drown the other person in it. Don’t use information as a weapon.
8. If Anger Comes Up
It probably will. Talk about it, but try to explain your feelings rather than express them. Slow things down. Notice what’s happening in your body. Say what’s going on for you.
Remember, anger doesn’t mean the conversation has failed.
9. There Is No Loss in Changing Your Mind
Changing your mind is not a failure.
If we want people to identify less with rigid points of view, we have to give each other space to change. Incorporating new information and moving toward more true ideas is a good thing, even when it’s uncomfortable.
10. The Conversation Is the Point
You might come away from the conversation with:
More questions
A better understanding of why the other person thinks what they do
Continued disagreement
That’s okay.The point isn’t resolution. The point is staying in conversation. Even if you have to walk away during the conversation, you can always return to it.
Suggested Conversation Structure
You can either go free form or follow a structured outline.
The outline is designed to create openness, understanding, and space for real dialogue, but you don’t have to use it exactly.
Step 1: Decide Who Starts
Agree on who will speak first.
The first person introduces what they think and why, sharing their experience and perspective.
Step 2: Ask Questions
The listener asks clarifying questions about what the first person said.
Example prompts:
“Can you tell me more about that?”
“What makes you feel that way?”
“Where does that belief come from for you?”
Step 3: Switch Roles
Now the second person shares their perspective.
The first person listens and asks clarifying questions.
Step 4: Explore Points of Disagreement
As you go, notice where you truly disagree.
Name it aloud: “This feels like a real disagreement for us.”
Try to understand the underlying reasoning, experiences, and emotions behind it.
Step 5: Explain the Other Side
After both have spoken, you can briefly summarize what the other person said to check your understanding.
This can be as simple as:
“I hear you saying X, and it seems like Y matters to you.”
This step is optional but helps ensure you’re really listening.
Step 6: Return to Experience
You can continue exploring, ask questions, or move on to other topics.
Always acknowledge feelings before returning to facts or ideas.
Key Notes
You don’t have to reach agreement.
You don’t have to persuade.
The conversation itself is the point.
You can go fully free form, or lightly follow this outline, whichever feels right.
Invitation Scripts
Use these scripts as a frame for inviting someone into conversation.
1. Casual Text or DM
Hey [Name],
I’m taking part in a project called 1001 Conversations. The idea is to get together and have constructive conversations with people we disagree with. Rather than persuading or arguing, it’s just about staying open and curious and talking.
Would you be up for a conversation about [topic] sometime soon?
2. Email Invitation
Subject: Invitation to a 1001 Conversation
Hi [Name],
I wanted to invite you to participate in 1001 Conversations, a project aimed at encouraging constructive dialogue, even when we disagree.
The goal isn’t to convince anyone or win an argument, it’s about listening, sharing our experiences, and understanding each other better.
If you’re open to it, we can set a time that works for both of us. It can be in person, over Zoom, or whatever feels safe and comfortable.
Let me know what you think!
3. In-Person or Phone
“Hey [Name], I’m part of this project called 1001 Conversations. It’s about having constructive conversations with people you disagree with, just sharing experiences, asking questions, and listening. I know we have some things we have not agreed with each other about. Would you be open to doing one with me?”
Optional Add-On for Clarity
You can include this line to reassure them: “You don’t have to agree with me and you don’t have to convince me. The idea is to just stay curious and respectful.”
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There are no guarantees. One conversation will not fix polarization. Neither will 1001. But just can shift a relationship and create space for something other silence, avoidance, or argument.
And in the broader sense, our culture is shaped by the ways we practice interacting. Social media and internet culture invite certain kinds of interactions. This is an invitation to practice a different kind.
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That’s okay. Tension is not a failure. If you are talking about something that matters, you are bound to feel strongly about it.
If things feel heated, you can slow down, pause, or name what’s happening.
Our resources offer simple ways to stay grounded, and it’s always okay to step back if needed. -
No. Agreement is not the goal.
The aim is understanding how the other person sees the world and how they arrived there.
Disagreement can remain, and the conversation can still be meaningful.You can try to convince the person another time if you want, but for this one conversation, don’t worry about that.
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Of course!
You can pause or end the conversation at any time.
Your safety and well-being come first.
Choosing to stop is a valid outcome. -
No. Reporting is optional.
You are invited to mark your conversation if you’d like to contribute to the collective count, but nothing is required. You are still welcome to use our resources. -
You choose what, if anything, is shared. There is a section where you can choose how much you want shared.
If you share on your own social media and tag us, we will reshare what you posted.